


Patchwork

by monimala



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Gap Filler, POV Male Character, Pre-Season/Series 03
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-30
Updated: 2016-01-30
Packaged: 2018-05-17 03:11:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 712
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5851783
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/monimala/pseuds/monimala
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Set just before season three begins. </p>
<p>
  <i>They've all been trying to put their lives back together, pretending there aren't wounds that will never heal and cracks that can never be sealed.</i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	Patchwork

He's never had a problem finding someone to fill his bed— _two_ someones, he thinks, with a detached sort of amusement as he remembers the first few days on the ground—and curling up against a woman on a cold night is just as much for warmth as it is for sex. Gina is kind and sweet and understanding. She welcomes him with open arms and watches him leave with no expectations. She knows the burdens he faces—that they _all_ face—and she's lost people, too. It's a good arrangement, made from necessity more than anything else. But Bellamy knows that filling the hole inside him is another story. An impossible one.

It's been almost three months since Mount Weather. Almost three months since Clarke left. They've all been trying to put their lives back together, pretending there aren't wounds that will never heal and cracks that can never be sealed. Jasper's falling apart. Monty is uncharacteristically quiet. Raven pretends she's as badass as ever, even though the whole camp can see her wince every time she takes a step unaided. And Lincoln and Bellamy have both been spending way too much time with Kane, of all people, as they both turn into good soldiers protecting Arkadia. Hell, his sister is the only one thriving. That tiny little girl who grew up in one room on the Ark, hiding under the floor, now rides horses and speaks fluent Grounder and fears nothing. Octavia is a warrior princess, and it's only when he looks at her that Bellamy can believe, at all, that there might be hope for the future.

Hope for the future _without Clarke_ , he corrects, as he makes his rounds of the base. Because his ideal scenario, of course, is that she's going to walk in the door any second—that they won't have to go on this way, because she's going to snap out of her self-imposed exile and come back to where she belongs.

_Stop punishing yourself_ , he tells the Clarke who lives in his head and guides most of his decisions, _because you're punishing me, too._ He hates doing this alone. A lot of people from the Ark still look to Kane and Abby as their leaders, but Kane and Abby have long since given over control. They deferred to Clarke first, and now they defer to him. Including him in every discussion, every major decision. As if he has her proxy or something. And maybe he does. But it's strange and uncomfortable, a skin that doesn't fit. The arrogant punk he was when they first crashed...that kid _played_ at being a leader. Now it's not a game, and Bellamy isn't sure he can do it without her. Because she's _his_ leader. She brought out the best in him, led him from selfish and irresponsible to brave and true. She made him grow up. She demanded better. And what she got in return was all of him.

Now she's out there somewhere, and there's a Clarke Griffin shaped cavern in his chest.

Gina ignores it when he whispers her name in his sleep. She acts like she doesn't know that, sometimes, he imagines the hand around his cock is smaller, harder and less forgiving. Because Clarke wouldn't just warm his bed, she would burn it to ashes. And he'd welcome it, welcome her, with every expectation.

_Damn it, Clarke. Come home._

Bellamy leans against the perimeter fence, desperately trying to ignore the hitch in his breath and the damp in his eyes and the tight swell of his erection rising against the fly of his camo pants. Of course he fails. Because another thing Clarke taught him was to embrace how he feels, to actually _care_ about the people around him...and to do whatever it takes to keep them safe.

And that's when it crystallizes for him that he can't just wait for her to come home on her own. He has to go and get her. He has to bring her back. He has to make it right. They need to fit their broken pieces together and create something new and whole. Not just for Arkadia, and for their people, but for each other.

 Maybe it's not impossible. Maybe it's just possible enough.

 


End file.
